“Why didn’t you give them money?” my seven-year-old asked. When the cashier at a fast food restaurant had requested a donation to their charity of choice, I’d said no. That’s what I usually said when strangers caught me off-guard asking for money. Suddenly, my child’s kind, blue eyes made me feel guilty.

I tried to explain: “There are lots of good causes and we can’t afford to give to all of them. I believe you should think about which ones you want to support, then donate to them.”  

For a long time, I simply didn’t have the discretionary income to share with others. Now that I’m more comfortable, I still have a list of things for which I need to save money: my child’s college tuition, a house with a backyard and retirement. On the other hand, I want to teach my daughter to appreciate what we have and to care about those less fortunate. That’s why we donate outgrown clothes and toys to Goodwill. That’s why I slip some money into the Salvation Army’s bucket at Christmas time. That’s why we end each night by listing all of the things we’re thankful for which includes food, shelter and good health.

But is that enough? Case in point: my daughter's school recently collected new and used supplies for the animal shelter. I suggested she gather up cat toys she could find around our house since our ten-year-old tiger cat would rather sleep than play. My daughter wasn’t satisfied with that. I told her if she wanted to buy items, then she could spend her own money on them. Without hesitating, she ran upstairs and opened her piggy bank. She had $9.78 left from her birthday money.  I didn’t want her to regret this tomorrow, so I reminded her of the things she could buy with her savings: doll clothes and books about fairies.  She suddenly thought those things were trivial.

At this point, I gladly took her to the store so she could select pet toys, collars and tiny cans of tuna-flavored food. She remembered how happy our striped kitty was when I let her lick the can after I made tuna salad. My daughter decided she wanted to buy some Fancy Feast for our Cat Chow cat, too.

I was so proud of her. She cared about the animals at the shelter just as much as she did about her own grumpy cat. 

Have you noticed that Santa is everywhere these days? Not only is he at the mall, but he’s at the bookstore, the donut shop and the appliance store. Seriously? Santa’s hocking refrigerators? It’s too much.

I was mortified to realize that one year my daughter sat on Santa’s lap four times: 1) story hour at the hospital 2) a Christmas party at a friend’s house 3) an office party with her grandma 4) a visit to her preschool. By the time Santa stopped by her classroom and asked her what she wanted, she looked confused and replied, “You already gave it to me.” That’s when I decided we needed to avoid Santa the same way we avoided Aunt Rose’s fruitcake.

How are children supposed to believe in the magic of Christmas when every man with a white beard claims to live at the North Pole? Personally, I wish Mr. Claus would return home to help the elves--leaving more to children’s imaginations.

I much prefer hearing stories of real-life “Santas” like the anonymous woman in an Indianapolis KMart who recently paid off over 50 people's layaways. Or Sal Dimiceli from Wisconsin whose childhood was filled with hunger, evictions and shame. As an adult, he became a millionaire. But he never forgot what it was like to be poor. For the last twenty years, he has given most of his money away. He helps pay electric bills, fix heaters and provide housing to struggling families. “We have to love one another and take care of each other,” he says. That is what Christmas is all about.

It’s such a short window when kids believe in the magic of Santa. Let my family have these moments, please. Focus on the generosity of real people and leave Mr. Claus out of sight. Besides, anyone who has watched “Miracle on 34th Street” knows the real Kris Kringle works at Macy’s in New York. That’s a long way from Indiana. And that’s just fine with me.

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